


Just let me go

by alisa_hua



Series: "Park JiHoon is someone I can't live without" - panwink short stories [4]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:18:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisa_hua/pseuds/alisa_hua
Summary: “I should just move on,”A silence pause between the best friends“It’s not that easy,”“That’s the worst thing, I guess. It never is easy, is it,” a sad smile spreads across KuanLin’s face.





	Just let me go

**Author's Note:**

> A little something since I feel like I've been gone for a little too long
> 
> This fanfic is based a little from my own love life, so yeah
> 
> Do follow me on twitter btw! (@doyu_panwink)

KuanLin loved Thursdays, its one of the few days in his busy college schedule where he was able to spend more than two hours with his favourite senior between classes. Of course he knows that he shouldn’t spend all his free time with JiHoon but he sees his friends in all his classes and he barely sees the elder since they’re in different years, along with the problem that KuanLin majors in Social Sciences while JiHoon’s majoring in Pure Sciences. 

 

It was also on Thursday when KuanLin confessed to JiHoon about his feelings for his senior. He remembers how shy and nervous he was, diverting his eyes away right after saying the words, the burning of his cheeks and thumping of his heart. 

 

But he also remembers how guilty JiHoon sounded when he rejected him. He remembers the sad look the older showed him and how tense the atmosphere in the study room felt. 

 

He remembers the feeling of his heart shattering and the strain smile before walking out, how JiHoon didn’t run after him like he usually would if the younger storms out whenever they have an argument. 

 

KuanLin didn’t go back to the study room nor did he bother going back to University for the next two weeks. His parents were worried both for his health as well as his grades but he assures them that he’ll be fine and that Jinyoung and Daehwi have been sending him voice recordings of the lectures and shared their notes with him through Google Drive. 

 

He takes a deep breath before opening the door to the usual study room that he and his friends share. 

 

Jinyoung, DaeHwi, WooJin, SeongWoo and Daniel who were busy discussing their group assignment turned around at the sound of the glass door opening, their expression brightens immediately upon seeing their long lost member. Though anyone could tell there was a little awkwardness between SeongWoo and KuanLin, mostly due to the fact that he became friends with KuanLin and JiHoon at the same time. The youngest tries to ignore the guilt he feels at the bottom of his heart due to the concern he caused his friends. 

 

But while they were all catching up with him about what’s been happening for the past weeks, the door creaks again, revealing their final member who looks shell shocked upon seeing KuanLin. 

 

The youngest was ready to apologise to JiHoon but before he even got up from his set, he was engulfed in a tight hug with the shorter burying his face in KuanLin’s jacket. 

 

KuanLin’s sure his heart was going to combust and that he’s going to burst into tears because even with taking two weeks off from University, he thought that his feelings would at least subsidise but feeling JiHoon’s hug reminded him that his feelings were much more real. 

 

And everything was fine after that, KuanLin and JiHoon’s friendship went back to normal, the confession swept under the rug. Everything was fine. 

 

Until the final Thursday of the semester. 

 

KuanLin, Jinyoung and Daehwi are hanging out at the study room, helping Daehwi stapling his final essay, unlike the seniors, AKA JiHoon, SeongWoo, Daniel and WooJin, who were rushing their literature review which is due in three hours. 

 

The stress obviously got to SeongWoo when he suddenly bursts into silent tears while still typing out his assignment. KuanLin glances at JiHoon who looks like he’s about to punch his laptop. 

“Hyung, come here, let me help,” he says as he walks towards the older. 

 

“It’s fine, I can do it by myself,” JiHoon says with a straight face, not glancing towards the younger’s direction. 

 

“Come on hyung. It’s a literature review, we do this kind of stuff ever beginning of the semester,” KuanLin comes to take a closer look at JiHoon’s laptop only for it to be slammed closed, startling everyone. 

 

KuanLin blinks a few times at the laptop before turning to JiHoon who looks beyond annoyed. He opens his mouth to ask him what’s wrong but JiHoon bursts before he’s able to. 

 

“KuanLin can you just go away like seriously, you’re being so annoying. Just go home, for fuck’s sake.” JiHoon huffs as KuanLin feels like he’s been slapped across the face at his favourite person’s sudden outburst. 

 

“Hyung, I’m just trying to he-” 

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” JiHoon slams his hand on the table, making Daniel winch in fear but KuanLin remained still, not even blinking. 

 

“You know what? I know what you’re doing, I know what you’ve been doing. You think I didn’t see you glancing at me when you think I’m not looking? You think I don’t know what your intentions are when you buy me stuff? You don’t even have any classes this week yet you come over to see me and I dare you to tell me I’m wrong. When is it going to get through your head that I am never going to like you?” 

 

It was only at the end of his rant did it dawn on JiHoon was he said, realization covers his face, guilt building up. The whole study room is silent, too scared of what might happen if they make one wrong move. KuanLin stares at JiHoon as tears fill the taller’s eyes but he smiles and nods anyway. 

 

“Okay hyung, I get it,” he grabs his backpack, swiftly moving away when JiHoon tries to grab his hand. 

 

But the his last words before he left the room stuck in JiHoon’s mind for the next few months. 

 

“I didn’t ask to fall in love with you, hyung. I’m sorry that I did, though. I love you, I’m sorry and I’ll miss you,” after that JiHoon didn’t hear any news about KuanLin. 

 

When he tries to text or call, he realizes that he’s been blocked. He tries to DM the younger, he sighs in frustration upon realizing that KuanLin’s deactivated all his social media. He even tries to ask for updates for DaeHwi and Jinyoung but they both leave him on seen, which is expected, he broke their best friend’s heart and said the worst things he never expected himself to say. 

 

“You were a real dick to say those stuff to him,” WooJin says to him when the seniors decided to hang out during the semester break. 

 

JiHoon lets out a loud sigh, mindlessly stirring his latte. 

 

“We know you didn’t mean it though,” he looks at SeongWoo who smiles at him “We were all under a lot of stress and it’s understable that you just needed to release all that pent of frustration but what you said,” he pauses. 

 

“I don’t know JiHoon, I think you really broke KuanLin. That day, it was like I saw our Linnie’s heartbreak and I felt for him. Am I mad at you for doing that to him? Of course I am, we all are. Especially Jinyoung and Daehwi since they’ve been taking care of him since that day. I just hope when the new semester comes in, everything will be fine. Probably not but hopefully.” 

 

But when the new semester comes in, JiHoon doesn’t see KuanLin at all for the first week. He doesn’t come to the study room and neither do Jinyoung and Daehwi. 

 

 

It was the third week into the second semester when the three decided to get something to drink before their class on Thursday. 

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you the whole time you were recovering KuanLin,” Daehwi apologies as they’re waiting for their coffee and tea to be done at the University cafe. 

 

“It’s fine, I feel a lot better now though,” KuanLin smiles. 

 

Daehwi looks at him like he’s studying the other. “You’re not over him are you?” KuanLin sighs at the question. 

 

It’s not like he didn’t try, he really did. Take up different hobbies to distract himself from the thinking about JiHoon. He even had a few other people flirt with him during the holidays but none of them could make them feel the way JiHoon makes him feel. 

 

And it’s a horrible feeling because KuanLin really wants to move on and forget about the whole conflict. He wants to go back to how things were with JiHoon, before he messed things up with his feelings. 

 

“Not to be that asshole, but” Jinyoung grabs his cappuccino, “Do you even want to get over him? Honestly?” 

 

KuanLin doesn’t know how long time passes, probably for a while because his green tea latte is still in front of him while the other two are almost halfway to theirs. 

 

“I should just move on,”

 

A silence pause between the best friends 

 

“It’s not that easy,”

 

“That’s the worst thing, I guess. It never is easy, is it,” a sad smile spreads across KuanLin’s face. 

 

But suddenly he feels a presence behind him so he turns around and he’s sure life hates him. 

 

“KuanLin,” JiHoon whispers, SeongWoo and Daniel behind him, looking worried. 

 

The younger looks down and makes eye contact with the older and he feels like he’s going to cry again. Those three months of recovering progress thrown out the window because the way JiHoon’s looking at him, reminds KuanLin of how strong his feelings for the other is. 

 

His heart continues to love JiHoon even when it’s in pieces and KuanLin isn’t sure if he’s able to handle it.


End file.
